In June, 2005, I had surgery to remove a cyst which turned out to be a very large malignant tumor under my right arm. In August of the same year, my surgical oncologist removed lots and lots of tissue around where the tumor was until I had clear (cancer-free) margins. God was good and the cancer was gone.
It was only 2 months. But it was 2 months of inner turmoil…2 months of fear…2 months of not knowing how far the cancer had spread and whether or not I would have full function of my arm…2 months of looking at my children and wondering if I would be around to watch them grow…2 months of learning to fully trust my Lord and His plan for me. But I am so thankful for those 2 months. Because I have a permanent reminder of what it means to have faith, believe in a God who can do anything, and trust His plan for my life.
This picture was taken soon after the surgery. I like to tell people about how on the way home 4 years ago after this surgery, Nate tried to reassure me that the scar wasn’t that bad and that people would only see it if I wore a tank top or bathing suit. I quickly replied, “If I’m wearing a bathing suit, the last thing I’m worrying about is someone looking at my armpit! I’d rather them look there than anywhere else!” :)
Well, it’s been 4 years. I see my surgical oncologist only once a year now. On August 17, I saw him for this year’s check-up and everything looked good. But…I also had to show him a lump I recently found on my upper chest. To be honest…for the few weeks leading up to this appointment, I was an emotional mess. I still trusted God. I still knew that it could be nothing. I even thought, “Really God? Cancer? Can you give me new one? I’ve done this before.” But the hardest part was that it brought back all those emotions from 4 years ago. Did I doubt God’s love for me? NO. Did I doubt that he has specific plan for me? NO. But it didn’t change the fact that God could use CANCER again as a part of his plan for me. And that scared me a little bit.
So, my wonderful doctor didn’t seemed too concerned, but he said with my history, every lump and bump will need to be looked at. I have good news. I had a biopsy Monday morning and my doctor was pretty confident it was just a cyst. I got the call today about the pathology report and it was indeed benign. Praise God.
Some people might think: Why make such a big deal out of a small bump? Well, my “tumor” grew from a tiny bump to baseball size over 4 years and 4 doctors told me it was just a cyst. Until a regular surgeon cut it out and realized his mistake. I know that sometimes things just don’t turn out the way we expect them.
But the good news?
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have you,’” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Romans 8:35, 37-39: Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
